Four Strategies To Deal With Dad Guilt With Jude Sandvall

How can single or divorced dads navigate societal pressures and expectations while managing feelings of guilt? In what ways can single and divorced dads effectively grieve the end of a relationship, and why is this process vital?

Listen as guest Jude Sandvall emphasizes the importance of understanding our emotions and behaviors within relationships, setting a positive household tone, and seeking community support to improve mental health and build meaningful connections.

In this episode, you will be able to:

1. Delve into the guilt single and divorced dads face, with host Paul Banas and guest Jude Sandvall discussing its roots and remedies.
2. Hear Jude’s personal experiences with guilt, teaching listeners about shame, guilt, and the necessity of grieving properly.
3. Learn about the modern dad’s role and the challenges in fulfilling dual expectations as both provider and nurturer.
4. Get valuable co-parenting advice and understand the critical role of self-improvement and introspection in post-divorce life.
5. Find out about supportive resources for divorced dads, with Jude providing information on community and help available at divorcedadvocate.com.

Hey there, fellow fathers and listeners of the ‘Great Dad Talks’ podcast. I’m Paul Banas, and in our latest episode, we had an incredibly insightful and heartening discussion with my guest, Jude Sandvall. Jude, a parent coach specializing in assisting divorced dads, shared his wisdom on the complexities and emotional weight of single and divorced fatherhood.

The Weight of Guilt

• One of the most poignant moments during our conversation was when Jude opened up about his own experiences with dad guilt, especially after his divorce.
• “You’ve got to give yourself a break. None of us are perfect,”* Jude reminded us. His words resonated deeply with me, and I believe they’re a balm for any dad out there striving against the tide of an impossible ideal.

Jude’s Personal Experience

• Jude talked about a day when he forgot a simple school-related request from his daughter, and the inevitable guilt that followed. Yet, it was the lesson gleaned from that experience that was truly invaluable:
• “Being open and vulnerable with our kids about our feelings builds trust and teaches them it’s okay to be human,”* Jude explained.
• If there’s something you take away from this, let it be the golden rule of fatherhood that Jude stressed: Never be too hard on yourself.

Navigating Emotions

• Understanding Shame vs. Guilt: Jude clarified the difference, with guilt acting as an indicator that perhaps we’re mourning something lost – like the end of a relationship.
• The Grieving Process: Allow yourself to grieve, as Jude advises. Face those feelings head-on to manage guilt constructively.
• Emotional Signals: Our emotions can clue us in on what might be amiss. Jude mentioned, *”Recognizing and understanding these signals can help us learn and grow in our relationships.”

The Evolving Father

• New Roles and Expectations: Dads are now more than just providers; we are caregivers, and this shift brings its own set of challenges.
• Balancing Act: As single dads, Jude pointed out, the pressure can be immense trying to fulfill both parental roles. “It’s not about trying to be both mom and dad,” he said, “It’s about being the best dad you can be.”

Cultivating Positive Relationships

• Jude was emphatic about setting a positive tone in our homes and being mindful of our relationships, both with our children and, if applicable, our co-parents.
• Personal Growth and Introspection: These are crucial, Jude stressed. We need to grow from our experiences, particularly after a divorce, to avoid repeating past mistakes.
• Building Meaningful Connections: Turn off external distractions, we discussed, to focus on what’s truly important: our family and kids.

Overcoming Isolation and Seeking Support

• During our conversation, Jude reminded us that seeking help is a strength, not a weakness.
• Mental Health for Men: Isolation can hit men hard, and it’s something we need to guard against.
• The Divorced Advocate: Jude spoke about the resources he offers through divorcedadvocate.com, including a podcast and a book aimed at helping men navigate post-divorce life.

The Marathon of Parenting

• “Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint,” I often say. Our chat with Jude underlined the importance of enduring kindness, support, and understanding as we continue on our parenting journey, regardless of marital status.
• Quality Time Matters: More than just being present, being engaged with our children is key.
• Turning Guilt into Change: Use feelings of guilt as a motivation to adapt and improve.
• Community Support: We all need a social net, especially dads going through divorce.

Our chat with Jude Sandvall was more than just a dialogue; it was a reminder of the shared experiences we have as fathers, navigating the complex waters of parenting alone. As Jude asserts, *”Your commitment as a father, your role in the family, and your duty to the community remain paramount.”*

So, to all the dads out there, remember you’re not alone on this journey. Embrace the wisdom in the struggles and triumphs of fatherhood, as shared by Jude, and listen to the full episode for a deeper dive into our meaningful conversation.