While gay dads have always been around, the past couple of decades have seen them emerging from the closet. Owning up to one’s homosexuality always requires courage. However, it is even more difficult for gay dads who may be concerned about the effect of their ‘declaration’ on their children. There is, after all, the very real fear that their children may become the targets of abuse from people with a prejudice against homosexuality.
These are some facts regarding gay dads:
- With the legal and social stigma against homosexuality lifting, an increasing number of gay dads (and lesbian moms), who have been through a heterosexual marriage, have started coming out about their sexuality.
- Over the last two decades, the number of gay men (and lesbian women), whether single or couples, who are choosing to have children outside socially approved marriage norms, in also on the rise.
- Gay dads are as concerned about their children as heterosexual fathers—whether biological or adoptive—and work equally hard at providing them with a loving and secure home.
- Gay dads (and lesbian moms) continue to come up against hostile attitudes to their parenthood. This is partly in due to a commonly held belief that children of gay parents are more likely to become gays themselves. Research has however shown that there is no truth in this assumption.
Resources for gay dads are amazingly slim. However, here are a few sites to help gay dads to start with:
Gaydads.co.uk – UK’s largest site for the help and support of gay dads.
Gayparentmag.com – Online version of the oldest, free, nationally distributed publication dedicated to lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender parenting (LGBT).
I’m almost 40 years old, the father of a 12 1/2 year old girl, gay and divorced. I recently came out to everyone but my ex-wife and daughter. I’m every nervous to do so because my daughter is at a difficult enough time in life as it is and I don’t want to make things more difficult or confusing for her. I’ve done my best through her life to teach her to be open minded and accepting, but her mom hasn’t. She’s not anti-gay but she is very very conservative, in a non religious way. I’m more scared to tell her than I was my to tell my dad, and he’s a Southern baptist Minister. If anyone has advice or can offer reassurance I would really appreciate it. My daughter gives my life meaning and I would die if anything were to damage our relationship.
Cheers, and thanks for reading!
My surrogate will give birth in about 6 months. I am now in a panic for many reasons. Would really like to meet other gay dads.
Please contact me…..so many messages here make the same request…does anyone respond?
We are a group of men that are bonded together through one common factor – we are gay, single, and dads. We have left, are in the process of leaving, or have decided to remain in a heterosexual marriage. We understand the confusion, pain, and questions you are experiencing. Our unique situation sometimes makes it very challenging to connect with other people, either as friends or as more intimate companions. This brand new support and social group can be a place to meet other guys that are in similiar situations as yours and that understands what you are going through. There will be regular monthly support meetings, as well as, monthly social activities. Confidentiality is provided, if needed. We hope to start this group in April 2010. For our first group meeting, we will meet at a public and neutral location that will also provide some degree of privacy. If you have any interest in being a part of a group such as this, please email me. Thanks and I look forward to hearing from you!
Hello,, Single dad here looking to meet other single dads or those who may be trying to adopt,., I have a 5 year old and would love to net work with others like myself. I know there has to be others out there,..Looking forward to chatting,,,
My daughter is due to get married is unsure as how what to do for the best as her Dad (Me) is a gay man with a long term partner. It would cause upset if I were to give her away at the wedding or even if I attended. Obviously I want her and her partner to be happy and the last thing I want is to cause unhappiness on her special day and I certainly don’t want to miss out. There must be other Dads in my situation – how do you handle it or how have you handled it without upsetting your Daughter. My daughter is suggesting she walks down the aisle on her own because she doesn’t want to choose me and upset her Mum because her Mum thinks her Step Dad should do it. My Daughter knows that if anyone apart from me gives her away it would upset me. Yes, I know the easy answer is to go away and get marries but quite rightly so – my son-in-law to be wants his parents to be there. Any advice anyone?
yes i would like to meet a gay dad ,iam a gay dad myself with a 10 year old son although my son does not know that iam gay ,but that is another story,i dont meet alot of gay dads ,and the gay men who i do meet are not in to having a relationship with man who has a child ,and thats ok ,,thta just means i remain being A MOMENT for a guy ,,any ways if your intrested in meeting me email and well meet
HI out there im a single gay father of 4 year old twins.Its hard being gay a raising a child try two of them. They are my world but i consistantly get turned down by other men simple base on the fact that i have kids. Guys like me in all but when they find out they run i was wondering if there is a website for single gay fathers to have support idk what to do at this point but i know there is a right man for me and my kids.I just gotta find him lol.
Hi looking to chat with other single gay dads I adopted child with ex then my whole life fell apart best this to come out of it was my child who I love. I don’t know many gay guys and could do with advice when times are hard. If you feel you can help me and would like to know me please reply I feel all alone in this world
Giovanni Battiato
To all those Gay dads, I take my hat off to you all because to be a dad brings you to another level in your life and to be gay also would be very hard but all you need is love and support and there are gay men out there.
I was married for 10 years, divorced, came out and I have no children and it breaks my heart because as much as I am a fantasic uncle I would of been a wonderfall dad, and I have to deal with that feeling everyday.
Well i have surrogate mother, i went to high school with her. So we are talking and planning, i just want to meet other single gay dads, and dads to be. So i know what ropes to climb, what the legal ramifications are. So please hit me up.
Our site, Goodkin, has loads of articles and resources for gay dads. We are a site for the “Modern Family”. Check us out.
I am divorcing my wife as a result of issues not related to our marriage. At this point, I am coming out as a gay man and a gay father of a great little girl. I’ve notice that there is limited resources in my area for gay men and more so gay dads. It’s a shame becuase gay dads are a positive part of society, yet get less support than other parts. It makes coming out and understanding so much harder for so many.
I am a gay dad in Texas. In the start it was a coparenting arrangement with a lesbian couple. Now they are split up and the kids are with the non birth , neither one of which is stable. I have found out that the non birth mother is living with another mans husband with my kids and there are drugs being used. Should I file for custody. I want my kids out of there and in a stable invironment. I have been with m y partner for 30 years. I have no other gay dads to talk to about this anyone willing to talk feel free.
I am in the process of getting divorced from my wife of nearly 14 years. I have three amazing children. My wife knows I’m gay. My kids don’t. Although I’m gay, I don’t feel like I fit into the traditional gay scene. I’m hoping to connect with other men in a similar situation. The hardest part of this is the loneliness and feelings of isolation. Divorce itself is tough, but this adds a whole new level of challenge to my life. I’d really like to connect with other guys who have been through, are going through or expect to go through something similar. While it would be great to connect with guys in the local area, I’m open to hearing from anyone.
i am going to try to make this real short. i have a daughter that is 5 now. her mom lost her by CPS years back. i found out i had a daughter, she moved in with me and my partner at the time. she visitedher mom and didnot return her. after a 3 year custody battle the GAL said with now background support for his disishion that my daughter was to live with her mom. after court the GAL told my attorney that this was more of a lifestyle case. which reenforced my strong opinion that i did not get my daughter becasue i am gay. this reallly upsets me becasue i am stabble and a great daddy. andher mom still lives with her parents. i got screwed over with plane tickets and alot of other stuff threwout the year.
26 single dad of a 5yo daughter. somone that loves kids and wants to have more with the right guy. living in hampton va and have no gay fathers to talk to.
I am a Gay Dad of 2 amazing kids. Finding it really hard to meet others in same situation. Feeling like I don’t fit into the straight or gay world.
I am a recently divorced gay man who works from home.
I am finding it really hard to meet new people or friends as I have joint custody of my kids and honestly don’t know where to meet new people.
I am a single Gay dad to a beautiful little girl who will be turning two July 22nd. I can’t believe my sweet little bug is no longer a baby. I feel like I just took her home from the hospital… lol. I’m open to any questions anyone may have or even if you just want to chat. it would be nice to get to know other single gay fathers Hope to hear from you soon~
It seems to me that single gay dads, have the same problems we single moms have, when it comes to new relationships. My ex husband is now a single gay father, I am conservative, but I also know that our daughters are the most precious gift that God has given us, and that we will always have a bond that nothing can break, and that is thru our children. Being a parent does not have a sexual preference, but it has to have the children as a priority, what is best for them, and what your legacy to the world in racing those kids is.
Remember that:
A hundred years from now, it will not matter what your bank account balance was, the sort of house you lived in, whether you are gay or straight, or the kind of car you drove, but the world may be different because you were important in the life of a child.
Stay strong, LOVE is a decision not a feeling. If you Love your children, sacrifice during the years of formation, be there for them, enjoy them, it goes by so fast. The reaction of the your ex-wife or children, will depend on how you treat them during the process of coming out. As much as, us straight wives have to understand your pain, struggles, of coming out, you as husbands, and father’s have to understand the pain and struggle we go thru, giving up our dreams of family for your dreams of being free from the same family.
Stay Strong!! Best advice to ANY parent, be humble ask for help if you need to, dont try to prove anyone you can do it all by yourself, raising a child involves a community! The single cell of the community is the family, make your family strong.
Peace and Love
Hi,
I’m a good-hearted guy who is interested in becoming a dad. I would prefer to co-parent with a woman, but not sure where to start. Any advice would be most appreciated.
Yeah! Thats all this computer would allow me to write!
I would love to meet a Gay single Dad in the Antelope Valley, unfortunately….they do NOT exist!
I am a single gay dad of a 16 year old. Looking for social groups for friendship.
I am a divorced dad with 2 kids that are my world. I am on the process of coming out and I am looking for a support group to talk with other gay dads. I don’t know where to begin? Any suggestions?
I am a gay man that has a 9 yr old son and his mom thinks it time to have the birds and bees talk with him and to start the conversations about me being gay. I left my ex wife when my son was very young and he does not remember me in the home. I have never talked with him aobut being gay, but he has started to ask questions about why mom and dad do not live in the same house. He has meet my partner but i know he does not understand what a partner is. My son has never seen any affection between my partner and I, but he has heard me tell him that I love him. Have any of you been here and what advise do you have as to what and how to tell him.
I am a gay man that has a 9 yr old son and his mom thinks it time to have the birds and bees talk with him and to start the conversations about me being gay. I left my ex wife when my son was very young and he does not remember me in the home. I have never talked with him aobut being gay, but he has started to ask questions about why mom and dad do not live in the same house. He has meet my partner but i know he does not understand what a partner is. My son has never seen any affection between my partner and I, but he has heard me tell him that I love him. Have any of you been here and what advise do you have as to what and how to tell him.
Are there any gay divorced Dads that would like to start an online friendship? I can’t seem to find any guys in my situation locally. I have 2 amazing kids. I am stuck in limbo and can’t seem to move on. I would love to have someone to talk to.
Being a gay father who came out, went through a divorce, and the pain of separation from my daughter, I’ve become stronger, wiser, and more persistant than ever. I’m in a situation where my ex-wife is very conservative and has no use for gays. With that, more often than not, my daughter is in such a controlled environment with my interactions due to fear and ignorance. It’s tearing me apart and I’m not sure what to do about it. I’m an upstanding member of the community with a high profile job and feel as though I’m being treated as a criminal. I’ve met every obligation, every demand and still am treated so poorly that I wonder what my daughter will think of me when she grows up. She is four now, smarter than a whistle and know that she’s just like me. I hope she’s able to see through the smoke and mirrors that she has to be raised in right now. My advice; be strong, persistant, and know that things will work out in the end. The pain I feel only testifies to the fact of how much I love my little girl. My hope is that others will see that as well. Be strong, guys!
Hey Dads, I am a 43 year old daughter of a gay man. My father raised me on his own. He told me he was gay when I was 7 years old. I didn’t have a problem with it. I loved my dad…period. He was the best father a girl could ever want. I just wanted say good luck to all of you. You will raise wonderful children. Love to you all!
Hey Dads, I am a 43 year old daughter of a gay man. My father raised me on his own. He told me he was gay when I was 7 years old. I didn’t have a problem with it. I loved my dad…period. He was the best father a girl could ever want. I just wanted say good luck to all of you. You will raise wonderful children. Love to you all!
Hey Dads, I am a 43 year old daughter of a gay man. My father raised me on his own. He told me he was gay when I was 7 years old. I didn’t have a problem with it. I loved my dad…period. He was the best father a girl could ever want. I just wanted say good luck to all of you. You will raise wonderful children. Love to you all!
Hey Dads, I am a 43 year old daughter of a gay man. My father raised me on his own. He told me he was gay when I was 7 years old. I didn’t have a problem with it. I loved my dad…period. He was the best father a girl could ever want. I just wanted say good luck to all of you. You will raise wonderful children. Love to you all!
HI, I am a gay dad of a great 8-year old boy along with my partner. We would like to meet like families in the Albuquerque, NM family to learn more and build a stronger community.
HI, I am a gay dad of a great 8-year old boy along with my partner. We would like to meet like families in the Albuquerque, NM family to learn more and build a stronger community.
Looking to find guys in similar situation of being a once str8 married man with 2 kids and now openly gay having to deal with the stressors of ex wife and a relationship.